Today

Pretty much the same as yesterday, and the day before, and the day before, and the day before, etc. For the last three years. Void of passion, motivation, joy or anything I may have felt once. No more. My mantra these days is "just get through the day". With the help of copious amounts of weed and varying amounts of alcohol I somehow manage to make it until I fall asleep. When that is, is any one's guess. 8:00pm, 11:00pm or 2:30am never really know. As boring as my days are you would think I'd have a schedule. Nope. Everyday is the same, it's just a matter of the hours on the clock. Take this morning for example, I woke up at 3:00am after heading to the couch at 11:00. I didn't make coffee in the hopes of getting back to sleep. Watched a movie on Netflix and was glued to it until 5:00. Coffee time. Fuck. I didn't drink a drop yesterday, yet my day is going to be ruined by lack of sleep. Fuck!Maybe I'll get a nap in and salvage the day? Not likely, I'm restless, what the fuck to do? Same answer as always. Smoke copious amounts of weed and drink. I've been up since three, so for most folks it's noon at my 9:00. I think I'll have a 2 martini breakfast. Why not? My schedule is my schedule! It's kinda funny because as I was sitting in jail recently and a cell mate of mine said to me, "yeah, life sucks right now, not working, dad died, wife left me, WTF? might as well wake up and medicate. What else is going on?" At the time I thought, holy shit, I don't want to ever go there. But here I am. WTF?