Thursday, January 31, 2013

Write or Wrong?

Fuck! What a bad year. I thought I was struggling the last five but it's nothing compared to this last one. When I say struggle, I'm talking about dealing with the consequences of my life. Somehow always driven to a goal, always needing to be the best, always needing to succeed, always needing to be the provider, always needing to be the "man". Always needing to prove myself............. Not only to those near me but to myself.

Then something happened. I still can't put my finger on it. Essentially, over time, all that stopped. Best I can figure it slowly eroded away and one day it all hit me and I came to believe that after all those years of kicking ass that I had failed. And what do I have to show for it? At the moment I'm a "glass half empty" guy. A failed marriage, few friends, a bad legacy, guilt, sadness, jealousy, anger,,,,,,,Jesus, the list goes on.

I try to take it one day at a time. I try to have a short memory. I try to be "adult". I try to look at the bright side. But no matter how I TRY to look at it, it all comes up the same.............................Nothing is worth having unless you can share it.

Red Vally (Mixed Media, Sorta)

Saturday, January 19, 2013


And God laid his hand upon him and said, "take care of my children".

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

The Painting Thing

The painting thing freaks me out. Honestly.I have always loved art. And, I've always been pretty good at it. But..... The obstacles put before me prevented my taking advantage of some God given skills. The obstacles? That's another story, a long one.

In the years I've studied art, (mostly high school and a semester of college) I was challenged with actually finishing a piece. Whether it be a sculpture, a pot or a painting I rarely finished a project. For example, I can only remember completing one painting in all my years in school and since. Where that painting is right now is a mystery. I sure would love to have it.

With that being said, you may get a clue as to why this painting thing is freaking me out. I've finished seven paintings and another eight pastels and charcoal within the last couple of months. Lately I'm feeling compelled to create and finish something each day. Photography, video, painting, cooking, etc. WTF?

The best part is I'm starting to get IT. Like in math class when all of a sudden a light bulb goes off. And it all seems so easy after that. Now it's a matter of practice and exploring. The best part of the learning curve.

When I'm painting I find myself making little discoveries along the way, and with each one a big smile comes across my face, I get a little shiver and ask why? Why now? Why not then?

Fuckin A man.

Pier in Oil