Fuck! What a bad year. I thought I was struggling the last five but it's nothing compared to this last one. When I say struggle, I'm talking about dealing with the consequences of my life. Somehow always driven to a goal, always needing to be the best, always needing to succeed, always needing to be the provider, always needing to be the "man". Always needing to prove myself............. Not only to those near me but to myself.
Then something happened. I still can't put my finger on it. Essentially, over time, all that stopped. Best I can figure it slowly eroded away and one day it all hit me and I came to believe that after all those years of kicking ass that I had failed. And what do I have to show for it? At the moment I'm a "glass half empty" guy. A failed marriage, few friends, a bad legacy, guilt, sadness, jealousy, anger,,,,,,,Jesus, the list goes on.
I try to take it one day at a time. I try to have a short memory. I try to be "adult". I try to look at the bright side. But no matter how I TRY to look at it, it all comes up the same.............................Nothing is worth having unless you can share it.