Hand and Gun

Painting of the Day

Wind Point in oil.

W I P Continued

Work in Progress

Lakers in Oil

Lilly Bay

Trust?

I will never trust another woman again. Selfish creatures they are.

Wind Point

Top 30

It was with disappointment when we read the recently published Milwaukee's "Top 30".  Not terribly surprised that we got bumped but disappointed non the less. A number of hot new urban restaurants popped up this year and room on the list had to be made. It's a bit of a wake up call and a reminder to always improve.

I won't comment on the worthiness of the new comers but have a comment about a perennial Top 30 restaurant that made the list again this year........................... It closed the week after the list came out.

Sometimes we make compromises for the good of our customers not our egos. Given the choice of remaining in the Top 30 or keeping 25 people employed, I'll take the latter.

Although I want both.

Muscovy Duck

These were raised a mile from the restaurant. Kind of freaky that I visited them while they were alive.
I made sure not to make eye contact.

Golden L' Arch

The Rock Family

Garden Gate

Menu

Quick Smoked Kampachi Tataki

Asparagus with Brie and Westphalian Ham

Organic Tomato Bisque with Butter Poached Crab

Scallop with Crispy Smoked Pork

Bone--in Filet and Lamb

Triple Chocolate Something and Cantelope Lassi

Amuse

Sunglasses

Pier on Mamie

Treeline in Pastels

Self Portrait in Pastels

As Iggy Pop Would Say:

Life is crazy.

Happy?

I feel happy today.

First time in a long time.

Testing this knife out for the maker.

Day 10

It started out as a simple plan to enjoy the weather on Memorial Day. Then the wife showed up.
Still managed to keep it to 3 beers.

Day 9

The most fun I've had in a long time. I wanted to have a cookout for the Memorial Day Weekend so I did. Busted my ass. Best day in a long time. Thank you.

I invited my wife. I'm very happy she came.

I guess that sums up a lot.

Make It Your Bitch

A very valuable lesson I've learned in life. It may sound crude but in my world, there is no better way to express it.

"If it scares you, make it your bitch". It applies to everyone. No matter what your circumstances. Everyone is afraid of something. It may be small, it may be big. The same rule applies.

Examples:

Big C Samurai doesn't like to do cheese plates because he's slow at it and afraid he will look bad or gets snapped on if he does them. So he let's his partner "conveniently" assemble them. You know what I told him. Along with orders that he make every cheese plate until further notice.

I've always been claustrophobic and afraid of heights. So what did I do? Joined the fire department. Don layers of clothing, breathing apparatus and crawl into a burning building. That's about as claustrophobic as it gets. And dancing on roof tops 50 feet in the air is about as fearless as it gets.

I used to be a big computer gamer. There was one particular scenario within a favorite game that I really sucked at. I was afraid that my rep would take a pounding when I played that "map". What did I do? I practiced the shit out of it and made it my...............

So whether in work, entertainment or life, it applies the same.

I'm in the process now of making my greatest fear of all time, "my bitch".

I'm curious what happens once you've conquered your greatest fear?  Hmm, could be interesting.

Day 8

Another good day yesterday. Thank you. Let's see what today brings.

Holiday weekend. Trying to stay busy.

Thoughts of wasted time.

Thoughts of what may yet be possible.

Boy, I don't miss the hangovers!

It's becoming apparent I can have A drink and not want another.

When I decided to change my life I thought I was doing it for someone else. I realize now that I'm doing it for me. It's the only way it will get done.

Another night of four hour sleep.

I suspect my dog is an angel.

When I wake in the early morning hours, I find myself looking forward to the day. That hasn't happened in years. Thoughts of wasted time.

Cautiously optimistic.

Day 7

Some people reading this who know me may have seen me have a drink in the last week. Yes, I still will have an alcoholic beverage. I have a self imposed daily limit of no more than two cocktails (highballs) or one martini. Or nothing at all. Essentially, never being close to the legal limit, never being hung over, never having alcohol affect my judgement, not have it affect my physical or mental well being, not have it affect others, etc, etc, etc.

Some people may ask, why not just quit all together? It may come to that but this is the way I'm approaching it and so far I'm happy with the results.

Day 7

Pretty soon four hours of sleep a night is going to catch up with me. One of the reasons I'm writing this is to kill some time in the wee hours.

I'm really liking not being hung over. It's been almost a week.

Several recent mysterious ailments are starting to disappear.

My appetite has grown tremendously.

Boredom is still an issue. As a matter of fact, boredom is at the root of it all.

My morning bike rides with Bullit are far more enjoyable.

I can see beauty in things again.

I thank God for yesterday and pray for today.

Day 6

I'm very happy to see moisture return to my skin. It was starting to remind me of my dad's death-bed skin. Dry and lifeless. I assume I suffered from chronic dehydration due to consuming excessive amounts of alcohol.

I find it much easier to concentrate and recall phone numbers and names.

I'm not nearly as depressed. As a matter of fact some of my saddness has been replaced by anger. When I finally need something I find myself alone. That's OK, it's the way it's always been.

I wake in the morning thanking God for yesterday's strength and ask him for today's. Repeat daily.

Sleep? That's a problem. I'm not used to much so I can live with it.

I'd like to point out that when you live alone above a bar it would be very easy to give into temptation.

I am proud of myself again.

Bird

Better lens

B&W

Click to Enlarge

More Bird Photos

Birds

Birds in Flight

Enough

Ok, enough with the two martini breakfasts. Fuck that shit. Time to get back in the saddle. Hi Oh Silver! Away!

No More Black Bird

Mr. Blackbird has not returned. Instead his place has been taken by two old friends of mine. The couple that lives in the soffit over my balcony. They used to be afraid of me but now they come and go as they please. (I think they've been eating Mr. Blackbird's corn)Today I heard the cheeps of babies in the soffit. New life. It's still beautiful. How fortunate these birds are? They are mates for life. Not by choice but by nature.

Today

Pretty much the same as yesterday, and the day before, and the day before, and the day before, etc. For the last three years. Void of passion, motivation, joy or anything I may have felt once. No more. My mantra these days is "just get through the day". With the help of copious amounts of weed and varying amounts of alcohol I somehow manage to make it until I fall asleep. When that is, is any one's guess. 8:00pm, 11:00pm or 2:30am never really know. As boring as my days are you would think I'd have a schedule. Nope. Everyday is the same, it's just a matter of the hours on the clock. Take this morning for example, I woke up at 3:00am after heading to the couch at 11:00. I didn't make coffee in the hopes of getting back to sleep. Watched a movie on Netflix and was glued to it until 5:00. Coffee time. Fuck. I didn't drink a drop yesterday, yet my day is going to be ruined by lack of sleep. Fuck!Maybe I'll get a nap in and salvage the day? Not likely, I'm restless, what the fuck to do? Same answer as always. Smoke copious amounts of weed and drink. I've been up since three, so for most folks it's noon at my 9:00. I think I'll have a 2 martini breakfast. Why not? My schedule is my schedule! It's kinda funny because as I was sitting in jail recently and a cell mate of mine said to me, "yeah, life sucks right now, not working, dad died, wife left me, WTF? might as well wake up and medicate. What else is going on?" At the time I thought, holy shit, I don't want to ever go there. But here I am. WTF?

Mr. Black Bird

First thing this morning I stepped out on the balcony and saw a big black bird sitting in the highest perch. I wondered if it was an omen. I asked the black bird what the deal was? Good day or bad day? He just laughed as he flew off. Later in the day he returned. This time on a lower and nearer perch. I asked him how his day was? He remained silent.........I laughed.

Changes

For those who have been following this blog, I apologize. I haven't been contributing for awhile. Life has gotten in the way and I am struggling with dealing with it. One of these days I'll have to write about a guy who set his dreams to low. What do I do now?

Recent

Ciego

I've been blind for so many years.

It has come back to bite me.

Moritaka

Tattoo

Finally did it.

Hollandaise